Poem 16

Its getting heavy
these days and this season
the wind is piercing pains in my body
injuries in spine and nerves always spazz
my body contracts and bends under itself if I’ve stood up for too long
it leans and sways towards a wall or something I can lean on
these days the littlest things get to me
Not like the old days when I was of sound limbs
when life situations would bounce off my lower back then roll down my back legs behind me
now they find their way to a corner of my elbows and crack signals to my head to ache
then I lay down. sometimes I sleep
fighting through physical pain is a new chapter for me
sometimes I ride in the passenger seat of cars and my body tightens to the shape of the seat
I get nervous if my driver hesitates behind the wheel
I’ve become a victim and I haven’t healed properly
going to therapy only goes so far when insurance is the carrier of the funds
the drivers of both accidents didn’t have insurance so my lawyer does extra extra work
I try not to worry and do my poetry
yet I know I’m supposed to be a culinary artist and can’t stand to cook my nightly dinner more or less in a five star restaurant
cause shows ain’t coming consistently and these gigs aren’t weekly payments they are stipends and I feel sometimes I’m working to spread the word for nothing
that this is all a farce
the mix of overthinking and procrastination and the race gets longer
this season gets heavier
I push on cause its all I know
its the only way I live
So don’t cry for this story or my self pity
This is how I communicate with God
when my tear ducts are dry from crying
this is how it looks.


About monalisasrandomthoughts

I craft people poems. I laugh out-loud. I love all things. Everything is about order. My movements are chess. Everything to me calculates. I just look like this.
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One Response to Poem 16

  1. maaaaaann…..😧😳

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