Okay….first, I thought that funny acting was a term that was in the dictionary, or online, as a phrase or term. Its not…leaving me to reconsider this thought…I’m thinking…where did that come from?
My whole life, from people that I keep close to my chest – friends family – often call me funny acting. Since I have been a child, there has been something about me that is…as my mom would say…shitty about me.
For instance, I can wear second hand clothes from someone giving them to me. I just have to know who that someone is. If I go to the thrift store, I need my hand sanitizer because its germs and I don’t know the houses these garments came from. I gotta have on long sleeve bottoms and tops. I am going to wash them two times. Period. Unless it needs to he hand washed, then I will let it soak for almost two days. And it has to be named brand, or at least have some substance to it, it should have quality. Or I ain’t in it, rather it won’t be on me. The clothes have to feel good on me if they come from a thrift store or from someone that I know. I have to love the piece of clothing.
I was asked today do I eat toasted oats, to which I replied no. Simple. Had I been asked if I ate Cheerios, my answer may have been yes, what kind. Simple. They found it a little disturbing, I believe, when I told them that I am funny about the food that I eat. Meaning, it has to have a name, or be of a standard or quality that I am familiar with for me to want it. Now, don’t get me wrong. Yes, I have ate food that had no name, no color, smelled like a donkey’s dick perhaps and tasted of bad. yes. However, at 32, almost 33 years old, there is a standard that I have due to where I have come from. The good, the bad, and the ugly of where I come from. On all sides. It is very true that the conditioning of where we were brought up affects us. I came from a household where brands were of thought, the brands described the food. It wasn’t about the price of things, its about how it tastes. It needed to satisfy something in the mouth that signals the mind this is good. Childhood, when I didn’t have to struggle at all, the beginnings of my journey through this life was pampered and spoiled, I can know look back on and say without feeling some kind of way.
Adolescent years, times got a little real for me. So to maintain where I came from, one had to blend in. And where I blended in at was a household that showed me how to shop on a budget, and everything tasted good. And all the food wasn’t name brand, yet all the food was made with love. So boom, now I understand cooking with love, and quality. I have seen the combination cause peace and balance and harmony. Seriously.
I didn’t do a lot of eating during my early twenties and when I did, it was all good. When I did get to eat it was a lot of restaurants, home cooked meals here and there. When I finally started living by myself, in 2007, is when I realized that I had an issue with the way that I ate and how I chose to shop. In a grocery store, it takes me FOREVER because I am wrestling with the fact that I don’t have enough to get exactly what I want, so I have to ask myself about the off brand, what’s the quality of the off brand, can I sacrifice using America’s Choice tomato paste, to Hunts Tomato Paste; is the America’s Choice orange juice going to trigger the senses in my brain the way that Tropicana will…and for the record, this is annoying to me. I’m the one that has to deal with it.
Just the thought of me eating something off brand makes me feel some way. (I’m shrugging my shoulder). I do know where that came from…I’m lying…I do know the derivation of my snottiness towards food, and others things that aren’t of some standard. And I’m not ashamed to admit it was an upbringing. We all have issues from our past, from our childhood that have shaped us hard-core into the person that we are today. I may look a certain way at times, and act a certain…yet the bottom line is…that I embrace it and keep it moving. Just because I am this way, does not mean I expect anyone that I love to be like this, or that I look at them a certain way or anything of the such. As my good friend, in my head, Russell Simmons says, “Do You”. Period. Because when you do you, you cannot apologize or feel some kind of way for your thoughts. There is a greater purpose for all of us, and that is in the spirit. And when you are involved with your spirit, and in tune with your spirit, then everything that you do is of your faith. Walking in the spirit, being of the spirit…now what does that have to do with me and my funny acting ways….
1. That I am who I am and it makes people close to me chuckle under their breath and love me regardless.
2. I love myself so highly, that it doesn’t bother me if I sound like a snob or some other societal bullshit title that has been placed on wanting the finer things and not settling. Because I have settled before, so I don’t have to anymore…flat out. I did what I did to get what I wanted then, so I’m gonna do what I need to do to get what I want now…in positive ways though…because last time was not all positive. Truth.
To wrap up, this is my personal opinion, no one has to agree or like it…
A restaurant, the above rules apply, cleanliness is next to godliness so….
If the food is coming from my relative or someone that I know, then that’s not an issue, EVER, EVER, EVER!!!
Because I know the hand that is preparing it is good. That the hand is of God so it doesn’t matter. If that makes sense…if not to you…to me..
For my personal, in my household, until I transition, I will be my little funny acting self. Just like everyone of you, in your little spaces and personal, are funny acting about SOMETHING…
and if not.
you should start.